cattle rustling

ladies and gentleman my friends from nyumba kumi and the community policing group from heka heka town and my friends who have just arrived from ,the following message has been approved by the ministry of livestock and foreign affairs for the general audience  and the views expressed in this forum are solely related to the narrator

long time ago men used to look after cattle  from the fertile soils of kericho  to the plains of west pokot the hill kiambu region and the wheat-growing region of narok and during the period of period of barmuruiat and even the ole tepes would  tap their skills in weaponry and have their share of cows in other region mmmmhh i know my friend is wondering what i mean by sharing of cows….cattle rustling is not a taboo it is just a cultural practice just the same way onyango might have sabasaba but still go for another extracurricular activities e.g swimming dancing going to the gym and other marriage related activities

back in the old days women were not allowed to own cows they could only graze the cows and also feed the cows and make sure they in their cowsheds.men had full support from the clan and had full exclusive rights to show the amount of cows that they ha d captured but since there were no video conferencing and video cameras and possibly faiba network and so even the morans could not catch the woman in this case he cows

but ladies and gentleman with the turn of the century the new technology and all that comes with it, cattle rustling has taken a new approach and ha become more sophisticated. women have turned against men and have made a mark in the cattle rustling business. They have identified profitable hotspots that have access to free WiFi so that they can be able to log in and log out when they want. they have also placed CCTV cameras to identify  possible targets of Bondeni estate where they can easily milk the cows rather than going with the cows

mean while at Mabondeni estate a group of five women were at it again, after off season for three months luckily for them english premier league was still underway and also the Kenyan  premier league  which had also just resumed and just like arsenal their money cabinet was empty and they also had title hopes in the coming season. ladies and gentleman there names were kifagio,kitoa machozi,kigwaruzo mswaki and kichanuo these group of women were all set for the season with their paraphernalia and their super technology

they raided the fertile grounds of kiambu where men had recently acquired cows they face each other at the battle ground . they squared it out in the dancing arena shaking their bewitching stuff while  the men were shaking vigorously the women slowly shaking their apparatus i am telling you my friend they danced to the tunes untill they outwitted all the men who had who were now breathing heavily and they all struggled to the fireplace and with no time the men had become weak and sleepy and started sleeping and ….with the swiftness of the recce squad they raided the cow sheds and took all the cows

They took a break of three days and strategize . They then travelled to  Narok where all the men had harvested all wheat and exchanged for all manner of cows such the ugly Aberdeen Argus  fresian and some even went and bought ankole and zebu cattle and they did what they know best.they danced to the tunes of and jumped higher than the morans and waited until they were all tired and drove them to a corner with their bows and arrows and they took all their cows .this scenes were replicated in kericho..nandi..bomet…and mombasa

After a three months break the mother of all battles was in Nairobi the capital city of Kenya. the drum sets were set ready the guitar were all ready the singers who had been sourced from different areas were now busy checking their voices…mic testing..mmh..hh..1..2…3..4 okay

okay kimani wa wamathai nikuletea musiki murwa . i am telling you my friend for a period of two hours sounds of esikuti mugithi zilizopendwa ohangla rent the air and the men and women continued dancing

this was going to be a tough encounter and the men had well prepared themselves with nyama choma and ugali while others had chosen to drown the contents with mursik.. some men went to the extent of adding some leaves to their menu so that they could not catch sleep

the group of women had also prepared themselves very well they set camp in the ngong hills for three days they backpeddaled somersaulted armtwisted and frogmarched until they felt they were ready for the whole world just like Eunice sum Paul tergat and Ezekiel kemboi but my friends this a different type of competition no laps water jumping no hurdles just dancing…the winner takes it all

and when the whistle was blown for the official competition to start kifagio kitoa machozi kichanuo mswaki and kigwaruzo chose their men and they started shaking their bewitching stuff while the men shaked their legs zilizopendwa style…i am informing and telling you the dancing arena at tom mboya statue was blazing sounds and tunes of ohangla and zilizopendwa and when they played badder than most by redsan and sura yako by sauti sol mens feet started crumbling with their stomach rumbling since the food they had eaten interfered with their digestion

at last the five group of women and since no cows were involved all the men were asked to mpesa mkopo to pay all the women for underperforming in the dancing arena

despite all the numerous intervention to have all the men keep their money safe with services such as pesa mashinani kcb mtaani and equity mtaani agent they have still bought cows and women have continued to lead in cattle rustling

ooh as i was saying this is an emerging issues and would be discussed in the national dialogue yet to be announced and the national prayer conference annually

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One comment

  1. machwani · May 19, 2015

    Reblogged this on machwani and commented:

    you have to read this dear bloggers

    Like

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